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Why not have A bit humour! Come on send them in! 

While sitting in your chair, lift your right foot slightly off the ground and move it in clockwise circles. Now draw the numeral "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will reverse direction, not recommended while driving or in the beer tent

Not steam or horse but I could not resist this one:-

Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist (true story)

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all
travelling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent
incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the
windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains.  Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo:

           "Thaw the Chicken"

 

bulletHow many steam rally organisers are required to screw in a light bulb?
bulletJust one:- The world revolves around them

bullet"Steam Rally Prayer"

 

An Aveling driver was staggering out of the beer tent with a pint of whiskey in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. "Please Lord," he implored,

"let it be blood!!"

MICROSOFT SHOULD MAKE CARS, FORD SHOULD MAKE SOFTWARE.

At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:

“If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five pound cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon”

In response to Bill’s comments, Ford issued a press release stating the following: “If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, your car would die on the motorway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart; in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought ‘Car98’ or ‘CarNT.’  Then you would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was more reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water, temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single ‘general car fault’ warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same bum size.

9. The airbag system would say ‘Are you sure?’  Before going off.

10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna

11. Ford would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of A.A. road maps, even though they neither need them nor want them Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car’s performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more.

12. Every time Ford introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You’d press the ‘Start’ button to shut off the engine.

What was the first vehicle in the world to run on a Tarmac road?

A Roller 

  Car Names Explained

 

bulletALCHIN - Always Leaves Chunky Holes In Northampton
bulletAUDI - Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
bulletBMW - Big Money Works; Bought My Wife; Brutal Money Waster; Bimbette Motor Weapon; Break My Window;
bulletBUICK - Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
bulletCHEVROLET - Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time; Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time; Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology
bulletDODGE - Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere; Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere; Dead or Dying Gas Eater; Dear Old Dad's Geriatric Express
bulletFIAT - Failure in Italian Automotive Technology; Fix It All the Time; Fix it again Tony!
bulletFORD - First On Recall Day; First On Race Day; First On Rust and Deterioration; Fix Or Repair Daily; Found On Road, Dead; Fault Of R&D; Fast Only Rolling Downhill; Features O.J. and Ron's DNA;
bulletGM - General Maintenance; Great Mistake
bulletGMC - Garage Man's Companion; Got a Mechanic Coming?
bulletFOWLER Flywheel Of Weight Leaves Entire Roller
bulletHONDA - Had One Never Did Again
bulletHYUNDAI - Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...
bulletLOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious
bulletMAZDA - Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
bulletOLDSMOBILE - Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everywhere; Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment
bulletPINTO - put in new transmission often
bulletPONTIAC - poor old Neanderthal thinks it's a Cadillac
bulletROVER - Rare Old Vehicle Exceptionally Rough
bulletSAAB - Send Another Automobile Back; Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown; Sorry Arsed Auto Builders
bulletSCANIA - Simple Carriers Always Navigate Into Accidents (Just For Nick!)
bulletTOYOTA - Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
bulletVOLVO - Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object; Vehicles Of Low Velocity Owners - Very Old Learners Vehicle Only
bullet VW - Virtually Worthless

 

 

 

 

Q: Why do Reliant Robins have heated rear  windows?

A: To keep your hands warm while pushing it!

Q: Why do you call a Reliant Robin with a football inside it?

A: A whistle.

So this chap goes into Halfords and says, "I want a new pair of windscreen wipers for my Reliant Robin, please." Bloke behind the counter tips his head on one side and ponders for a minute or so. Finally he says, "OK, it's a deal."

 

A lawyer's car stalled on the side of the motorway. As he was getting out to see what was the matter, a reckless driver swerved taking off the whole car door and knocking the lawyer to the ground. A passing police car pulled over.
As the policeman got out he heard the lawyer shouting, 'my Mercedes F300, my brand new Mercedes F300!" As the policeman approached he was shocked to notice the lawyer's right arm missing. ''Do you realize your arm is gone?'' asked the policeman? The lawyer, stunned, began to scream, "My rolex, my brand new rolex!"

Why can't a steam locomotive sit down?
Because it has a tender behind


Piano Jokes

Piano jokes



Q: What do you get if you run over an army officer with a steam roller?
A: A flat major.

Q: What do you say to an army officer as you're about to run him or her over with a steam roller?
A: Be flat, major.

Q: What do you say after you run an army officer over with a steam roller?
A: See flat major.

 

 

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