Why not have A bit humour! Come on send them in! 

Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist (true story)

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all

travelling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent

incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the

windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains.  Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo:

           "Thaw the Chicken"

 

	How many steam rally organisers are required to screw in a light bulb?
	Just one:- The world revolves around them

 

"Steam Rally Prayer"

 

An Aveling driver was staggering out of the beer tent with a pint of whiskey in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. "Please Lord," he implored,

"let it be blood!!"

 

MICROSOFT SHOULD MAKE CARS, FORD SHOULD MAKE SOFTWARE.

At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:

“If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five pound cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon”

In response to Bill’s comments, Ford issued a press release stating the following: “If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, your car would die on the motorway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart; in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought ‘Car98’ or ‘CarNT.’  Then you would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was more reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water, temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single ‘general car fault’ warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same bum size.

9. The airbag system would say ‘Are you sure?’  Before going off.

10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna

11. Ford would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of A.A. road maps, even though they neither need them nor want them Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car’s performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more.

12. Every time Ford introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You’d press the ‘Start’ button to shut off the engine.

 

What was the first vehicle in the world to run on a Tarmac road?

A Roller